When you think back to the times you and your partner were simply dating, what stands out the most? Often couples will talk about their eagerness to learn about one another through the endless getting-to-know-you questions.
As we spend more time together, we start to collect information of our partner’s inner world—their favorite foods, their life goals, their current worries, their important relationships and so on…
The Gottman’s call this stored information as your “Love Maps.” You strengthen your “Love Maps” by asking open-ended questions. “Love Maps” are visited regularly as our context is often changing. Your partner’s goals when you first met might be different, today. We must continue to build awareness around our partner’s ever-changing experiences to create a strong foundation for friendship and intimacy.
Research shows that when we are intentional about knowing our partner’s inner world, we’re better prepared to cope with stressful events and conflict.
Some questions prepared by the Gottman’s are:
- What stresses your partner right now?
- Describe in detail what your partner did today or yesterday.
- What is your partner’s fondest unrealized dream?
- What is one of your partner’s greatest fears or disaster scenarios?
- What is my favorite way to spend an evening?
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